So pull up a stool and digest the great lengths humankind has gone to in the name of pooping superlatives.
World’s Longest Stool
The Vikings ruled from about 793 to 1066 AD, and during that time, one constipated Northman squatted on the ground near modern-day York in the UK and pinched off a loaf brewing inside for several days.
In 1972, when archaeologists excavated an area known to have been a Viking settlement, they unearthed a 7.9-inch fossilized turd. Subsequent dissections confirmed their suspicions, and the 2-inch dookie instantly became the stuff of legend.
It mainly contained meat and bread, which makes sense. Without more fiber in his (or her) diet, this Viking was likely plugged up, giving the massive stool time to solidify in his lower intestine. Should you be curious to see it for yourself, you’re in luck. The turd is currently on display in York’s JORVIK Viking Centre.
World’s Largest Toilet Paper Roll
Believe it or not, the holder of this title is not your annoying neighbor who hoarded all the good stuff during the pandemic lockdown. The winner of this title goes to none other than Charmin. On August 26 (otherwise known as National Toilet Paper Day) in 2011, the cushy cotton connoisseurs unveiled a toilet paper roll that was 9-ft, 9-inches in diameter and 8-feet, 6-inches tall with a 17-inch thick cardboard core diameter.
For comparison purposes, this toilet paper roll is about the height of a U-Haul truck and weighs two tons, the equivalent mass of a blue whale. Imagine storing this in your home. You’d never be short on rolls in the heat of the moment, but we think you’d have a tough time installing an appropriately-sized toilet paper holder next to the john.
Best in the world at using the poop emoji
There’s one country that uses the poop emoji more frequently than any other. Any guesses? Eh? Eh? It’s Canada! The friendliest group of people we know may be hiding a lot behind that smiling pile of poo. British touch-screen keyboard developer SwiftKey searched their data to discern which countries use which emoji the most. The poop emoji accounted for 48% of all emoji posted by Canadians, which begs the question—what’s in that maple syrup after all?
The second-largest poop emoji user is Australia at 38%, followed by the US at 34% and the UK at 25%. This world record was established in 2015, so if Americans truly put their minds to it and bring their phones with them onto their Squatty Potties, this title could still be in play.
Using a toilet stool, like the poop emoji, can help brighten your day. Propping your legs up on a Squatty Potty has been proven to help you have easier, more satisfying eliminations. Not sure which toilet stool is right for you? Use our guide to find the stool that best suits you.
The First (and Only?) Groom of the Stool
Pooping in the olden days was nary a pretty sight and oft an indicator of health (as it is today) due to lack of modern-day testing capabilities. In the 16th century, England’s King Henry VII used his royal powers to name advisor Hugh Denys of Osterley, the Groom of the Stool. What a gig!
Osterley was the earliest known holder of the title. His doo-ties included monitoring the king’s bowel movements and even cleaning the king after his royal hiney took to the porcelain throne. So accomplished was Osterley in the role he was promoted to Manager of the Privy Chamber in 1495 and eventually advised the king on treasury matters. If you dream it, kids, you can do it.
First Hollywood Movie to Feature a Toilet
The iconic slasher film and groundbreaking horror movie Psycho is known for its chilling shower scene, but we’re scratching our heads here. Did the Academy of Motion Pictures not care that it was also the first Hollywood movie to feature an on-screen toilet? Furthermore, was there no acclaim for being the first movie to feature a toilet flush sound?
The inclusion of the toilet in those days was more controversial than it sounds. The Hays Code, a set of industry content guidelines established by the then-president of the Motion Picture Producers and Distributors of America (MPPDA) prohibited “distasteful” content in films, such as nudity, profanity, and even kissing for longer than three seconds. As time passed, foreign films grew in popularity, and directors got creative working around Hays Code standards. Hitchcock took a risk by setting a killer scene in the loo, but the choice of sneaking up on a victim in the shower proved too thrilling to be cut.
We’re not sure what’s scarier—the lack of respect for bathrooms or the fact that Psycho didn’t take home an Academy Award. Hopefully, Hitchcock took comfort in knowing that he opened the door for toilets to grace the silver screen in all their glory.